No shirt, No service...

So here is a question, what's the deal with you unattractive men who insist on walking down a MAIN STREET in the DOWNTOWN core with your shirts off and stupid excessively baggy pants??

Why?? Why do it?? It's not even that hot out today! I only wish today was an exception, but alas I see it all too much.

One of you turds even went into my friend's video shop to rent a movie without thinking to put your shirt on.

Come on guys, smarten up, ahhh Things That Shouldn't Happen, But Do....

The Beekeeper...

When I was in university I worked in a little Italian restaurant that was on the upper end of the spectrum, but that doesn't mean the clientele was.

So one day I was serving a middle-aged Italian man and he started talking to me in Italian. It wasn't the first time that happened, you see I have olive skin, dark hair and brown eyes, so generally anyone from the mediterranean thinks I am what they are.

So I said:

"Oh, sorry I don't speak Italian."

"What do you mean you don't speak Italian???!!! You speak Italian!!"

"No, I don't speak Italian, I'm not Italian."

"What do you mean you're not Italian??!! You're Italian!!"

"No sir, I am not Italian, I am Egyptian."

"What?? Well, if you are Egyptian, why don't you wear one of those beekeeper things on your head?"

Like I said, the clients weren't exactly the best of the bunch.

You Don't Sound What???

So a little while back a talented art director friend of mine was looking for some freelance work and she answered an ad on craigslist...

Nothing too odd about that. So the potential employer took one look at her CV and called her within five minutes, she's that good.

So they decided to meet at a coffee shop and he asked what she looked like so he would recognize her and she said:

"Well I am about 5'2'', I have long dark hair and I am Korean."

He responds with:

"Huh, you're Korean, hmm. You don't sound Korean. But funny last week I met with a girl who was Indian, and I mean full on Indian, and she didn't sound Indian either."

She was shocked that someone could be so stupid, and she had to hold herself back from giving him a verbal lashing knowing this guy could be a potential employer. So she responded with:

"Well I guess that's first generation for you."

So against her better judgement she went to meet this guy. And a piece of work he was.

He shows up in an over-sized lame suit, cheesy bling and too much gel in his hair.

He asks her if took her a long time to get to the coffee shop.

She responds with:

"No, it was a quick bike ride."

"Hmm, you ride a bike..."

"Yes, well I live downtown, so I don't really need a car, and when I do I rent a zipcar"

"Zipcar? What's that?"

So she explains the concept to him, which he responds with this winner...

"I guess that's good for people who don't have money."

A prize of a man I tell you, a prize...

A nice one...

This of more of a "Things that don't happen, but should."

Yesterday I was biking home from work through the park when my keys fell out of my pocket.

I stopped to go back and pick them up.

But, a young dad who was in the park with his toddler, stopped and said:

"I'll get them, you just stay on your bike!"

He ran over grabbed my keys and handed them to me. It was such a small but nice gesture, it kind of took me back. I smiled at him said "Thank you very much and have a great day."

Just thought I would share that bit of a warm and fuzzy with you... tomorrow I will bring you more stories of shocking moments and dofusses!

Sometimes 2D IS better than 3D...

Back a few months ago I went to the Cut Copy show at CiRCA, while the show admittedly left something to be desired, so did some of the crowd.

My smart friends and I decided not to venture into the mayhem that was the crowd downstairs and stay upstairs where we had room to dance and easy access to the bar.

Along with those two very positive conditions, we also had one very negative condition...idiots having easy access to us...

As I was enjoying a bevvie and chat with one of my lovely ladies some guy approached me. This is the conversation that transpired:

"Do you know so-and-so?" Him

"What?" Me

"Do you know so-and-so?" Him

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Me

"This is so-and-so..." Him

So-and-so walks over....

"I'm on billboards." So-and-so

Honestly! That was his line "I'm on billboards!"

Once again I ask Where Do you Guys Come From???

And are there people who actually fall for that kind of line??

Needless to say my friend and I burst out laughing and walked away.

Hooray for CiRCA!!

Milk and Cookies...

So this post isn't so much something that shouldn't happen, but does, it's more of a huh what?? Did I just see that?? How bizarre...

So last Wednesday afternoon, also Canada day, I was walking up my street with a friend after a lovely coffee at the Common and we saw a few guys hanging out on their stoop.

Not so bizarre I know, but when I looked at them, I had to do a double take.

You see these two guys were probably in their mid-twenties, hanging out shirtless, and wearing jester hats. Yes, yes I know also not bizarre, just stupid.

But, when I did my double take, I noticed these two mid-twenties, shirtless guys, in jester hats, were not drinking beers, on the stoop...they were drinking glasses of milk and eating cookies.

It was such an odd scene, I thought I should share...

Happy Monday.

Billy the Kid is in town....

Another night, I was at the same bar to meet some friends. They were chatting with some guy, and introduced me to him.

My eyes widened and I almost chocked on my drink laughing. The guy they were talking to was our smooth white friend who is ever so proud of his porcelain skin.

Apparently Mr. Smooth himself is a photographer.

So he leaned into me, put his arm on the wall behind me and said:

"I'll make you famous."

What the effff are you Billy the Kid???

How do you not laugh at that??

Yes this guy is a winner, we are married now.

This one still shocks me...

This happened a while ago, but it is much too good not to share.

I was in a friend's bar enjoying cocktails and conversation with a few other friends when I was interrupted with this stellar pick-up line:

"Are you white?"

"Excuse me what?" was my response.

"Are you white?" he repeated.

"What (the explanative) kind of question is that?"

"Are you white?" again he repeats.

I look at him and finally have to say "No!"

But he is truly retarded and says to me... oh here comes the gold people!

"Are you proud of being white? Cuz I am."

I looked him straight in the eye and said in staccato:

"I. Am. Not. White."

I wish the story ended here, but he continued to try and paw at me and say stupid things until my friend had to kick him out of the bar.

It was a night to remember, but he clearly didn't....

Where do you guys come from?

I have a very good friend who works in a bar that shall not be named. This friend is unusually good looking and hence she gets hit on a lot.

She is also half British and half Chinese so her features are quite striking, this is all the background you need for this little tale...

One eve she was working and had a customer ask her something that made her think he was in the wrong place. She asked him if he knew where he was.

His response: "Yeah I know, I have been coming her for eight years."

Her response: "Uh, we have only been open for four."

His response: "No, no I remember you. I remember your eyes." And as he said that he reached up and pulled the skin of his eye back to imitate being Asian.

Honestly, just like that, without even realizing what he did. WTF???

So I ask again, WHERE DO YOU GUYS COME FROM??